seven years unwellness

But it might as well be a decade, so let's start at the millennium. Or the fake millennium. Whatever. I say it's a big deal when we get to write TWO different numbers on the year instead of one, like tomorrow. So it was the coolest to write all 4 numbers different when it turned to 2000. Remember? That counts for something. Also we all thought the world was going to end because the computers were all going to explode, remember? That was funny.

2000

Wes and I were MISERABLE people who didn't like each other much. We loved each other but that's about it. We split up early in the year when I had an affair. Gasp. Never told you all about that, have I? I am breaking it here and now because Wes' new idea is that maybe I will work on writing my book if I just start writing it in blog post form. So it's going to come out eventually. It was a big deal. But we weren't married yet. Wes wasn't a boy yet. That was actually the problem – he was sooooo miserable being a girl that he was intolerable. Impossible to live with. Impossible to care for. Scary depressed for a freaking long ass time. So off I went to greener pastures. It was fun and then it wasn't and then I moved into an apartment across the street from Wes and six weeks later he showed up at my door and we rechose each other and it was the best thing that could have happened. I was 21 years old when we first got together. I was 25 when we broke up and chose each other again. 25 is a much more sane age to choose a life partner. In November of that year, he had chest surgery and started hormones. Ten days later, on the 4 year anniversary of our first date, Wes proposed in my favorite bar down the street from our house. He wanted to get down on one knee but his chest hurt too much. Which was the best pain ever. Also, I went on a two week cruise in the Baltic with my parents and siblings, then aged 16 and 11. Yes.

2001

We were engaged. We had a fabulous engagement party where Girlyman did a house concert for us and all of our best friends were there. I was a tiny bit swept away in wedding preparations. And then. You know. September came. I've written about it so many times before. Everything was different. I became devoted to New York City, which had never felt like home before. I cried all the time. I didn't care so much about my wedding flowers. And I became the head of my department at work, because the current head was basically homeless after the towers fell and the ash destroyed her apartment. And I had the most seniority even though I was the youngest.

2002

We had a crazy wedding in the air on the way to Iceland, a secret city hall wedding and a real, gorgeous, amazing wedding in Pennsylvania. We moved from our awful apartment to our best apartment ever. I quit smoking (I smoked again off and on but never for long ever again). I was hitting a sort of stride at work and getting a little high on leadership. We honeymooned on a Caribbean cruise because Wes couldn't get a passport yet. We took GMB on a Bermuda cruise that summer. I started a blog.

2003

I got depressed. New bosses took over at work and everything took a terrible nose dive toward hell. I went back on antidepressants. We took GMB and my little sister on an Alaska cruise and climbed a glacier. Wes and I went to Paris and London. Two of my grandparents died.

2004

I lost my mind. I started the year in an institution and never went back to my evil job. We bought a condo that took forever to be ready. We lived in a terrible sublet for a month in Sunset Park. I started this blog. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. We took GMB to Venice. We moved into our condo. I got a new job 2 blocks from home. I made friends there. Things improved.

2005

Wes' last grandparent died, and then mine did. We started trying to conceive a month earlier than planned, something we decided at the second funeral. We quickly discovered I had a progesterone issue. We went on a Mediterranean cruise with GMB. We went to Vegas for my sister's 21st birthday. And we went to Disneyland with Melissa and Crazy Uncle Zach. I thus achieved the Trifecta of Cheesy Fun, visiting all three of my shrines in one year.

2006

I was in TTC hell for the first half. We went to Turkey. Then I got pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage. Then I met the IVP. Then I got pregnant again.

2007

I was pregnant. We went on a short cruise on a fabulous ship but my stomach was too crushed and heartburnish for proper buffet indulging, a disappointment I may never forget. We bought our ridiculous house, which was a mistake. My father claims that in the long run, it will have been a good decision. Right now, I say it was a mistake. In any case, we began renovating. Beckett Ace was born. I was shocked at how hard the whole thing was and felt like an idiot for wanting it so much.

2008

Things improved. Renovations ended. Beck became unbelievably cute and amazing and I was home with him for most of the year. We went on a cruise that left from NYC. Then a bunch of GMB crap came crashing down and I spent months working to get him into my school as a senior transfer. Then he and my mother-in-law both moved in. Then I wept over going back to work.

2009

GMB was problematic. Mother-in-law was fine but I lost my kitchen to her. By the beginning of the year, 3 months after I returned, I was finally thrilled to be working again. GMB graduated and eventually decided where to go to college. The basement flooded. Mother-in-law decided to come back to us instead of leaving for good so I gave up daycare spot. I spoke at BlogHer, something I stressed about for months and the
n totally let slide away as soon as it was over. Mother-in-law changed her mind and decided to leave us at the end of the year so we scrambled for daycare spot again. GMB started college. I worked really, really hard at work, probably because all the cool tech stuff that used to be fun for bloggishness is now fun for work stuff! We tried to sell the house and failed. We tried to refinance the house and failed. I struggled to feel like a blogger still. I struggled to feel like a wife. I struggled to feel like a mother. I struggled to write. I struggled to find time for myself. My patience went missing. I watched some TV and played on Facebook. I twittered all summer and then not at all since. I felt distant from my immediate family. I became homesick for San Francisco and missed travel terribly. We are more broke than ever before with no end in sight. Beckett makes us laugh every single day. It will all be OK.