what i learned
Posted: August 9, 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized 14 Comments »What have I come away with that will be of lasting assistance to my
blogging? My own panel was helpful – the other members of my panel were
much more serious bloggers (what do I mean by that? I don't even know, but it was how it felt – they have multiple speaking engagements and go to lots of conferences and know lots of people… just that, I guess) and were full of tips about how to connect
with people and have your blog be discovered by readers. I have to
admit that I had never even really considered emailing my commenters.
Which is absolutely ridiculous because I sometimes get emails from
bloggers when I comment elsewhere. I never even thought of it. I thought about it even more when Cecily
was talking about the shortcomings of Typepad's new comment system
(which I am currently using). I can't click on you and email directly
but have to do some other steps and it's more annoying than the old
system, says Cecily. When she told me that she responds to every comment,
my head exploded and I realized that I am kind of a blog dinosaur and
maybe it's time to get with the times a little.
Thus I have been trying to reply sometimes. I will never promise you
a reply to every comment. My ability to reply is similar to my ability
to comment, which is to say that I SUCK. Like the duality that exists
in me that makes me both care and not care about what people think, I
suffer from this paralyzing binary brain that simultaneously thinks I
am brilliant enough to blog but also thinks that nothing I have to say
in response to people's posts or comments is all that important. I
frequently begin to type something in someone's comments and then stop
and erase it and run away. This seems ridiculous to me given the length
of time that I have been doing this. But honestly, my blog world was
pretty miniscule for the first several years of blogging. I am still adjusting.
Which leads me to the other lesson – I think I am reading too many
blogs. No, I know I am. I think there are about 300 in my Google
Reader. That number might work for some people but it's too many for
me. I am constantly crushed by its "workload" and feel immense guilt
about the 700 unread posts that always seem to be sitting there for
months at a time. This all started last year when I thought that I
should "study" for BlogHer and began subscribing to anyone I found who
was going. It just snowballed. I have created a Favorites folders and
am now focusing on reading just the blogs I really love. That said, I
have a special folder for people who comment here who may not be
BlogHer people and who may never have ambitions of writing
professionally so I certainly keep up on all of you to the best of my
abilities. And I will never stop reading my IVP ladies. And there's
that pesky Librarian folder that holds stuff I need to read for work.
And there is that folder full of blogs about local real estate that I
really need to keep up on for our house sale. And the InRealLife folder
full of old friends whose posts I would never miss. So yes. Even if I
set aside the 200 unread posts in my BlogHer folder, I am still a busy
little blog reader. And did I mention I follow 591 people on Twitter?
And that I have 358 Facebook friends to keep up with? And that I still
try to stop by the IVP boards at least a few times a week? HOW DO OTHER
PEOPLE DO THIS? I refuse to believe that anyone who keeps up properly
with all their social media does anything else with their days. I believe they have
robot children and housekeepers and are independently wealthy.
After I fell in love with Dooce, I (like everyone else) wanted to be
a famous blogger. The last two years have slowly led me away from that
calling. Also, I was faced with 1400 other women who all wanted to make
tons of money and be famous from THEIR blogs. So it kind of follows
that it's not going to work out for all of us. And I am never going to
have the discipline to do what it takes. I will step up my replies to
comments. I will consider emailing someday. I will try to comment more.
And I will use twitter to publicize posts when I think of it. But fame and money don't come to bloggers who shy away from other people. Writing well is not enough if you want to be widely read, if you want your twitterati ranking to climb, if you are in it for the community FIRST. Which was the whole point of our panel – finding that community. And having that community is amazing, is such a real and human connection that it has brought me some of my best friends.
But what I really want to be is a writer. Of books. Of at least
my one book. And my discipline is SO lousy. Truly dreadful. And I know
that all this blog stuff and twitter stuff is sucking my time away. And
I have so little energy when I get the kiddo to sleep. And then I start
reading blogs and I don't stop until 1 am. And nothing gets written for
my blog or my book. This needs to stop.
I have a lot of writing goals now. Goals scare the bejesus out of me because
I have a tendency to rebel against them, to sabotage myself and get
overwhelmed and quit before I begin. NaNoWriMo worked well for me
because it was such a singular focus. For one month, I did nothing each
evening but write. That's not even an option anymore. There are so many
foci I spend my days dizzy. Mine is not currently a life conducive to
writing. And yet… I have this amazing husband who will give me any
time I ask for (and push me to take it even when I don't ask). And I
have this story to tell. And I need to keep going.
Because for me, that is the bottom line. This blog began as a
writing exercise. It has been my lifeline and my support network. But
now I need it to (at least partially) return to its original purpose. I need to exercise my
writing. I need to delve in again and have opinions and edit myself and
revise posts (if only a little!) and hone my mothereffing craft already. I
am seriously over the moon that you are all here with me. It is so much
more enjoyable with you along. But if you weren't here, I would still
need the practice. And that's why I guess I walked away from my panel
feeling really strange. I did a fine job on the panel but when it comes down to it, I don't have much
of a message.
Beyond this – your blog is probably not going to make you famous.
Your blog may make you a little money if you want to spend all your
time reviewing things and networking your heart out. Your blog can bring you new best friends if you work at finding them and connecting with them. But if you are
blogging because you want to write… just write. Worry about it later.
Be who you are. Get all the words out of your packed and rattling
skull. Screw networking. Find your tribe later. Go back and read your
own words. Comment on your own damn work. Be proud. Write well.
I would honestly still be here if everyone disappeared tomorrow.
I would miss you, though. Thank you for being here with me.
thanks for writing this and sharing. i keep a blog just because i want to write, though i do sometimes like the feeling of unknown strangers reading occasionally (in my case). and also, i really want to read your book. i hope you write it.
“Get all the words out of your packed and rattling skull.”
love this sentence. i may steal it for a post title.
xoxo
I agree with your post. I think if you want to focus on writing versus blogging then do it. Professional blogging is just TOO much – work, energy, time, competition. So give yourself that half an hour or hour each day to write. Blog when you can and we’ll still be here.
I’m not going to disappear tomorrow, but it has been a while since I poked you like this to say I’m still here and reading, and was totally thinking of you earlier in the week as I was writing about music snobbery.
xo
awesome post. seriously.
When I was reading the transcript for your panel one of the things that blew me away was the how to get comments talk. I signed up to twitter because I thought it would be like little mini chats and easy and fun and not something to WORK at. And e-mailing back every person that leaves a comment every time? wow. I mean that is hard core.
Like you, I blog for the community of it. And also- like you, I have found people that have become amazing and wonderful and awesome friends. Like, “do you need a kidney?” friends.
(however, I do think your blog is destined for greatness. just so you know.)
I write the way that I want to because it’s the way I need to write. I mentioned in our panel that I don’t play by the rules that determine high traffic or high acclaim. As such, I have to be willing to not “win.” I’m fine with that. No money? I’m there. Never included on lists of the top bloggers? I’m all over it.
Largely because I don’t fit into a niche and I don’t write the frequent, blurby posts that bring in high traffic.
I write once or twice a week, often less, and my posts take up to 20 minutes to read.
You can hardly call that “blogging.”
And I’m fine with that.
Somehow I’ve developed a loyal audience that is fine with that, as well. Which I like to think helps me develop as a better writer.
Not as a better blogger.
Keep writing. Because at the end of the day, I think a lot of us would still be keeping private paper journals just like the old days, just because we need to write.
The cool thing is that you’ve also figured out how to blog, for the times when you need that sounding board. A time and place for everything.
I keep a blog so I can have somewhere of my own to whine about my life. I know there is no danger that I’ll be a famous blogger and I wouldn’t know what to do if I were. Probably panic and run away. I took me a year after I started thinking about it to even start a blog. I have commitment issues.
I’d still stop by no matter what you are writing about because although I have no idea how I found your blog, I stick around because I like to read what you have to say.
I never knew there were bloggers who responded to every comment with an email. That must be overwhelming.
Thanks for posting this. Perhaps this will be the kick in the ass that I need to start back to my blog instead of spending my potential blogging time wondering what I want the blog to be, how I want to portray myself etc etc… Thank you.
)
(and no, you don’t need to email me just because I commented
Doug Johnson just quit Twitter (http://doug-johnson.squarespace.com/blue-skunk-blog/2009/8/9/i-killed-my-twitter-account.html) so perhaps that’ll give you the confidence to do the same. As for the rest – don’t feel guilty about dropping people where there’s too high a noise : content ratio (be they bloggers, twits or FB friends).
Good luck with the writing. You’ll be great, once you really start.
Not sure where to start except with I enjoyed this post. I’m a blog reader who is not a blog writer so not sure why it resonated with me so much other than it does hit the “how the hell do other people do it?” nerve–as a parent, as a teacher, a partner–I always fall into the comparison trap and it is not good. I can also relate to the addictiveness of it all–I can spend way too much time reading blogs–when I should be sleeping so I can wake up with some energy for the REAL people in my life. I know i use it as an escape. I have probably also read fewer books in the past two years due to my blog reading (and young children!) I totally consider your blog and my other favorites more like books though. These wonderful, incredible stories that don’t have an end. They make all my childhood dreams of books not ending come true!
So anyway–you’re a writer, not a blogger that seems obvious. You just happen to leave your journal unlocked, open laying on the table with a little note saying “read me”.
Julie A
ps this is all supposed to be fun remember–I don’t twitter, don’t do facebook and am basically a technological dinasaur but I do do some scrapbooking for my kids and realized something this summer while working on my third daughter’s “baby book” (which is two years over due)–I was turning it into “work”–way too much like a list on a list of things to do–I’m supposed to be enjoying this, treasuring the time spent looking at pictures, writing down cute stories, not kicking myself for only finishing two whole pages all summer! we need to let go of some things I think….
BlogHer does create a lot of introspection, curious, no?
I try and respond to a lot of comments, but it’s hard sometimes – if there’s no email right there, do I really want to go digging for one?
I also wonder how people have all this time to spend on the internet (Facebook, Twitter, blogging, reading (blogs, articles, etc), YouTube). My days aren’t really packed, but I don’t have enough time for all that. I read what interests me. I comment when I feel like it will help or I have something interesting to say. I do like to respond to comments, sometimes, though – if there is something to respond to.
Good luck with your writing. I hope you can achieve some balance and regain your focus.
Mel sent me here, I’ll admit, but I stayed because this post is so true. My blog started out as a way to document the birth of my twins (after infertility) and has turned into a sort of catch all for the thoughts in my brain. I too am unable to fathom how people have the time to comment, and reply to comments, and do all the social media things they do. It’s overwhelming, really.
Good luck to you. I’ll be back!
You are just so…so…so effing awesome. (You’re worried about being a writer? That’s the best I could come up with. You are light years ahead of me.) I have never, ever had any doubt that you’d write a book, and probably multiple books. Despite irritating examples to the contrary, I think if you’re a decent parent young children suck your life away from you for a few years. I am personally holding out great hope for success in my 40s, when my kids are teenagers and don’t want to be seen with me anymore.