blogher, in moments, part one

- After the speaker training, we were invited to the cocktail party that was happening for the sponsors or the BlogHer Business people or the BlogHer editors or something. I didn't know anyone and you can imagine my utter joy when Mel tapped me on the shoulder. It's kind of one of those moments we infertiles dream of, our very own Stirrup Queen suddenly by our side and giving us a hug. It was my first glimmer of what I would realize by the end of the weekend – I kind of need my people. I don't need to have met them before, but in a crowd of bloggers I really have to find my people for it to feel like home. And my people are the infertile and the queer and the sick. Yes. Well.

Anyway, here is a photo of Mel trying to steal the display martini from the bar.

Really, she had just been listening to the bartender describe its ingredients and was so enticed that she began to take the one in front of her and had to be reprimanded by the (very nice) bartender.

- The People's Party was terrifyingly crowded. I walked in and started to circulate but once I found Mel and her husband, I realized that the swag bag for the party was being handed out near the other door. So I doubled back and tried to get through the sea of people. I am fairly confident that I conducted myself politely but I have read so many accounts of this party where Amalah's baby got elbowed that I have some sort of PTSD about the whole experience and sometimes wake up at night wondering if I bumped anyone too hard while trying to, you know, continue to be alive. I didn't. I know I didn't. Don't come after me, scary bloggers. It wasn't ME that elbowed Ezra. I am just saying. It was SO crowded. It was ridiculous.

People's Party, only this doesn't even do it justice for how crowded it felt

- I'd read that the swag bag at the Room 704 party was going to be X Rated. And I wanted it. It was the one bag of the weekend I wanted.

And so I found myself with the Evil Slut Clique, my fellow NYC bloggers, near the front of the crowd waiting for almost half an hour near the tables for the magical stroke of 10:30 when we would be allowed to take a bag. It was highly claustrophobic, a little out of control and scary, and I quickly realized I didn't want the bag THAT much. But by then, the crowd was literally boxing me in and I wasn't going anywhere. So I got the bag. Which was a fascinating mix of vibrator and cleaning products and children's ballet DVD. I do think it is my favorite from the weekend.

Room 704 swag crush

- The BlogHer "speed dating" was cool in theory but in practice, the person next to me was constantly late in moving on and caused me to miss several shifts. Maybe it was chance, but almost none of the women I met were mommybloggers. In fact, the whole weekend I kept meeting non-mommybloggers or women who were mothers but whose blogs were about more or other than that. I think I hate the term even more than I did before the conference. It feels super dismissive out in the world but to me it felt almost as lame when meeting other bloggers. It feels like there is a mommyblogging backlash now – it's all our fault the marketers are after us and it's all our fault that women bloggers aren't taken seriously and it's all our fault that the conference is swimming with us and our terribly annoying children and strollers and lactation. I have seen comments about how everything is pitched to the mommybloggers and that there should be special non-mommy parties and non-mommy sessions. I gotta say – that would REALLY piss me off. There is one mom track. The others are not mommy-centric. And when you start saying no moms at a party or a session, you completely negate that those of us with children are anything other than mothers. And reclaiming our whole selves is often the reason we are blogging or attending the conference.

Ahem. What was I saying? I got all mad there.

- Anyway, on the mommyblogging, we might as well talk about my panel. It was really… pink. Strawberry Shortcake sponsored the mommyblogging track on Friday and it was swag as far as the eye could see. It was… offputting for me, wannabe queen of nongendered, nonplastic toys. But honestly, at the time, I was FAR too nervous to care.

OF COURSE, it was MY mike that wouldn't work. The whole sound system was buggy and took forever to work, but OF COURSE everyone was eventually on except me and they had to go find a new wireless mike for me. Then we began. And then I was fine.

Because it really was a conversation. It was not like I had to present some brilliant theory, which, thank heavens, because I can't tell anyone scientifically how to find a tribe. I shared my story and talked about how community matters. I told people not to expect to be the most famous blogger in the world. I told a nice woman who asked about blogging her seemingly disparate views on cloth diapering and vaccinating (much like mine) and who was worried about alarming her crunchy readership… to channel her inner bitch and own who she was and screw them if they didn't like it. I got applause for that. I am stupidly excited for when they put out the audio version of our panel so I can hear that part again.

I had that feeling that I get each year on parents' night at my school – I am nervous before and then I eventually realize that I actually know what I am talking about and then it is fine. It is one of the things I am loving about being in my thirties. It is the reason I look forward to my forties. I just feel so much more calm and intelligent than I did in my twenties.

I have more to say about the panel that I want to save for a separate post. I am going to disagree with one of my fellow panelists after the fact. Oooo! Dramatic! As though anyone who was in that room is actually reading this. Ha!

This is what it looked like from where I was sitting. It was pinker before the people came.

- The most emotional panel I attended was the Patient Bloggers panel – You Are Not Your Disease, You Just Blog About It Every Day. The panelists dealt with pain, diabetes, fibromyalgia, depression and infertility. And their stories, as well as those of the audience, were so moving. I cried several times. We all stayed an extra 45 minutes to keep talking. I was also thrilled to grab a moment afterward to tell Mr. Lady and Moosh In Indy that their readings last year in the keynote were the reason I had been determined to go to BlogHer this year. And it was true. Those two and LesbianDad were my conference idols and I got to speak to all of them.

- Is it cute or pathetic that I can't bring myself to remove my "I'm Speaking" badge from the sidebar? Can I make one that says, "I Spoke"?

"No One Knew Who I Was But It Was Fun Anyway"?

"BlogHer is Scary and Overwhelming But I Am In For 2010 And Not Just Because It's In My Hometown"?