downsizing my worries

It has happened more than once in the last several weeks that I have found myself awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because I am busy mind-decorating my mother-in-law’s future bedroom. Here are the facts about that: I hadn’t yet had any discussion with her about what she wanted in it, she won’t be moving in with us until December, we don’t own the house yet, a couple of walls will have to be moved around before it is her room, the room itself is about 6 feet by 10 feet and it is the absolute smallest of all the projects we will be untaking in the renovation (being dwarved by things like, oh, adding a bathroom, renovating another bathroom and a kitchen, and digging out the basement to make a livable room for GMB). And yet, I can spend a solid hour contemplating colors and furniture placement in her little tiny room.

When she visited, she had her own ideas and now the fun has been taken out of my contemplating. We basically know what we need to do for her now so that’s that. And so I have moved on to diapers.

Does anyone understand what’s going on here? The big worries in my life – not having anywhere to live in a month, not knowing when we will close on the house, not knowing if my baby will be healthy – are just too big and my mind has started to shut down in their presence. I can now focus on only the tiniest, simplest, most manageable worries. I can worry about a 6×10 room. I can worry about what might go on a baby’s ass. Small. Little. Worries.

So yes. It may seem hopeful that I am worrying about diapers. I see that. But it is so, so abstract, my friends. It is not like I can actually picture a baby wearing all those little stupidly-named things you explain to us (seriously – why do we have to name baby things with such inane ass names like FuzziBunz and HappyHeinies and BumGenius? Seriously! It was almost enough to put me off of the whole thing entirely. And you can imagine Wes’ face… Why can’t we name them something just a tad more neutral or less silly? It’s not that I am a prude. It’s just that I do not particularly enjoy cutesy names for the butt. I think they are dumb. Rant over.).

I am also focusing on a possible move to wordpress, following the herd because it is free and typepad is not. I exported the blog over there and am now just trying to decide. But it is not as easy as I thought. It seemed to me that saving $15 a month was worth losing a lot, and I thought that I didn’t use html that much anyway and I could just pay the $15 over there for the upgrade so I could use it. But they don’t make it easy to muck around with the html over there. You can do it for the template, but can you do it within a post? Do you just write it directly into your post? And I can’t put the heartbeat over there. At least not yet. And, perhaps most annoying, I would have to upload every single solitary picture that I ever put in my posts separately, as the export did something funky to them and now they are all too big and cropped in weird places. So that alone may make the decision for me. I am giving it some time and trying to poke around there often.